As often happens, I've thought for weeks of writing a post and now that the time has come I'm feeling speechless and unable to get my feelings from my chest to the keyboard. This day. This year. I don't know what it is about this year - 10 years - but it's been the hardest "anniversary" of your passing. Only those closest to me understand it. The tears that come on for no real reason other than an oddly timed memory, a picture, a song, a scent... a realization that after 10 years your name and phone number are still in my phone - 5 phones and a new phone number later... the life I've made is the one we dreamed about. The home in the mountains with friends and family near by. A place for entertaining but also a retreat of solitude. I know I have you to thank for so much of it falling into place (even ironically down to ending up as a "waddles" type of surname - touche f*ck-a-duck). I feel you near so very often still. Life is still very much gauged by life before Jim, life during the case and trial, and life after Jim. I wonder how much different everyone's lives would be if you were still here. Mine. Theirs. Others close to me who have now stepped into your role on my path. One day I'll take him to where it all happened so he'll get a better understanding. One day, when I am strong enough to stand in that place again.
But until then... because it is a good thing for all to remember you existed in more than just photos and because your voice still gives me strength when I need it...
Love always, still, and forever,
Tara Ann
