13 Years Gone but Always Near

Happy Birthday Waddles

Tonight I am remembering the belated birthday trip we took to the Oregon Coast and how blissfully happy you were. Looking back over a handful of pictures and I can't help but hear that iconic laugh. If I close my eyes hard enough I can hear the waves and smell the salt in the air as the memory of you playing in the tide pools in a bitterly cold January weather come flooding back. And so to honor you on what should have been your 50th birthday I thought I'd post my favorite pictures from a time when life was still complicated but not so impossible that we couldn't tackle what it threw at us together.

It still amazes me that you waltzed so easily into my life almost 20 years ago and then just as swiftly and all too soon you were gone. I still put on a brave face but the reality is there still aren't many days that go by that I don't have some thought of you and all that should have been.

Happy heavenly birthday Waddles.

Always and forever, all my love,

A Welcome and a Request

Dear Reader,

Chances are high that you have found this blog after the latest episode/airing of Jim's story. I'm typing this well ahead of any airings on ID and quite in advance of the next coverage on OWN. You won't find my opinions on either production (beyond my amazement that complete strangers continue to profit from his life and death). Instead, I'd like to take a moment to welcome you to what was only ever meant to be a small corner of our world. This blog predates any real social media interactions and was somewhere that our friends and family could keep up with our adventures and my (then) budding interest in photography. A safe place where we could laugh with and at each other and document it to look back on in the future. The future. A place and a time that was taken so brutally from us. A place and a time that brings you here today. A Google click away from the comfort of your home, your couch, and more than likely your phone. I've felt it would be a disservice to Jim's memory to take down the blog and so I have always chosen to leave the privacy settings public. I suppose that gives an open invitation and makes our little world a stage. All of that to say, welcome to the place where Jim can be remembered as a human who lived and breathed and loved until those simple life's pleasures were taken from him and those who truly loved him.

And now a request...

Neither of us ever craved the spotlight. Having this much of my life on display still makes me uneasy. Remember, you, dear reader, have only just been introduced to our story. We've lived with it and the consequences of others actions for over a decade now. If you take nothing else from the pictures and posts in our space, please, take this with you when you go. Stop. Stop and laugh at the silly things that make up the day-to-day interactions in your life. Interrupt vs. interject whenever possible. Stop at the roadside attractions. Stop and take pictures (even if nobody wants to be in them). Stop and hold the person you love just a little bit longer tonight. Because you never know when that will be the last hug, the last kiss, the last image, or the last laugh captured. Hold them tight. Because you still can.

What Do Housekeeping, Cookies, and Spaghetti Have in Common?

They all are long overdo items that need addressed on the blog *sigh* So for the 5 of you who still pop by from time to time, welcome to my housekeeping party post.

Let's start with the standard notice that may or may not pop up when you visit the blog (covering all basis here just on the oft chance it's not popping up). This blog uses cookies. This means I can see where the blog traffic is coming from (IP addresses are tracked as well as what has been viewed, etc.) and by continuing to visit this blog you acknowledge that this a-okay with you.

Now, a reminder that all images, posts, and items on this blog are protected by copyright laws. Under the Copyright Law of 1976, which went into affect in 1978, any work created in a fixed form is protected by copyright upon creation therefore all published blog posts and images are protected by copyright. No images may be used without express written consent of the blog owner. That's me and let me save you the time, you do not have that permission.

Which brings me to the spaghetti... can y'all believe that the Investigation Discovery channel still wants to cover this story? Yeah. Nobody else can either. It's been nearly 11 years... ELEVEN years. The producers of the latest episode have managed to find contact information for myself. I've politely asked the researchers to ask the producers to please focus on the handful of cold cases in the Fremont and Chaffee County, Colorado areas. When I declined participation they managed to find the contact information for Jim's closest buddies. Akin to throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping something sticks. I've spoken with the buddies (yes, we still contact each other from time to time because honestly who else truly understands the hell that we all went through together but those who were closest to the situation) and we all agree that Jim shunned the spotlight when he was alive and he would not want yet a THIRD episode reenacting his death. So please, to my repeat visitor from England, let me repeat my pleas - leave his story be. Focus your time and energy and media attention on a case that remains unsolved. Here's a link to a quick reference of multiple cold cases in the area.

A Decade Without You

As often happens, I've thought for weeks of writing a post and now that the time has come I'm feeling speechless and unable to get my feelings from my chest to the keyboard. This day. This year. I don't know what it is about this year - 10 years - but it's been the hardest "anniversary" of your passing. Only those closest to me understand it. The tears that come on for no real reason other than an oddly timed memory, a picture, a song, a scent... a realization that after 10 years your name and phone number are still in my phone - 5 phones and a new phone number later... the life I've made is the one we dreamed about. The home in the mountains with friends and family near by. A place for entertaining but also a retreat of solitude. I know I have you to thank for so much of it falling into place (even ironically down to ending up as a "waddles" type of surname - touche f*ck-a-duck). I feel you near so very often still. Life is still very much gauged by life before Jim, life during the case and trial, and life after Jim. I wonder how much different everyone's lives would be if you were still here. Mine. Theirs. Others close to me who have now stepped into your role on my path. One day I'll take him to where it all happened so he'll get a better understanding. One day, when I am strong enough to stand in that place again.

But until then... because it is a good thing for all to remember you existed in more than just photos and because your voice still gives me strength when I need it...




Love always, still, and forever,
Tara Ann