Happy Thanksgiving Sexy,
It wasn't the same without you near.
I went for a ride with Dallas and Ted. I was so looking forward to you being on a ride this year. Hell, I was just looking forward to spending the week off with you.
It doesn't feel like Thanksgiving. Maybe it's the balmy weather. The lack of snow. Or the enormous hole in my heart. Whatever it is, it just sucks. I want so badly to be thankful for something right now and I know that I should be showing more gratitude for the outcomes lately, but I wouldn't have to if you here were and perhaps that's my hang up.
I stand in a room full of people and feel so alone. I am not use to that feeling. Even now, nearly five months later, I search the room waiting for you to enter. I keep the phone on all night thinking you might call when you finish the latest upgrade and are leaving the C.O. I watch, and I wait, and I listen... and nothing changes. You're not here.
I'm finding that I can't watch any movie right now. I missed the "family" movie last night, but apparently it was a good thing because there was a kidnapping scene... in a Christmas movie... and tonight's movie after our dinner I'll probably never know how it ended... I sat through nearly all of Hancock and had to leave in the final minutes because I couldn't take the Hollywood shooting... I just want to feel normal again. Movies were your thing. They were our thing... and I can't even enjoy that anymore.
I miss your comforting arm around me... falling asleep in your arms... I can't believe it's been 141 days since you held me and caressed me to sleep. I can't believe it's been 140 days since I've felt the warmth of your breath and the gentleness of your kisses.
I miss you Waddles.
I know... cowgirls don't cry... but this cowgirl, this cowgirl can't seem to quit crying.
Love forever and a day,
Tara Ann
5 comments:
I say, "Cry, Cry till the sun shines baby." (martina)
It's miserable but keep pushing through it mentally. Several people still care about you so don't lose hope.
Thanks guys... I don't mean to always be such a downer... but the holidays just seem to suck already this year... for a number of reasons all going back to Jim not being here.
Teddy, I've got to find that song... I can't seem to think of it right now.
Shan, thanks. Hope is hard to lose when you feel like there's not been any for a long time... but I'll get back there one day... *hope*fully soon...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAgB62X_o4I
http://www.martina-mcbride.com/lyrics/crycry.shtml
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYsKsSJr_UM
Both of these songs made me think of you.
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