50 Weeks...

Hi Sexy,

I can hardly wrap my head around the fact that this picture, one of the last pictures, was taken exactly a year ago today. That you've been gone nearly that long. That at this time last year you were home every night for the next two weeks. There are mornings that I roll over in bed and expect to see those broad freckled shoulders... and then I wipe the sleep from my eyes and the reality comes rushing back over me.

I made another trip last week. This time I did it alone... and as I got on the plane on Thursday afternoon I couldn't help but think about how I was taking the same trip you had... only I got to come home. Still, walking through the gate, down the terminal, and out the door of the Colorado Springs airport was gut wrenching. It's not the first time in the last year I've done that. It's just the first time I've done it alone. Like you were.

I also landed in the dark which put me in the parking lot about the same time that you and I had been there on our last road trip together. The rental agent gave me a free upgrade to a Toyota 4-Runner. I knew then that you were watching over me.

I need you Babe. I'm half the woman you knew without your loving care and guidance. I've been running so hard and so long now... the only thing keeping me going is making sure you're represented... but even then I feel myself crashing. Giving in to the temptation to just crawl into bed... curl up on the couch... anything but have to step out that door and deal with what has now become my reality. A reality that doesn't include you by my side. It's so much easier to close my eyes and remember the reality we shared a year ago... the one where you finished the Manti job and drove home today... where we were getting our haircuts tomorrow... and taking another crazy road trip the next day... what were we thinking?!? 19 hours round trip in less than 24... and that sunset... I just remembered the sunset... the beautiful pink sunset over the Denver skyline.

Thanks for creating such an amazing reality for me Honey.

I miss you.

Love always,
Tara Ann