On Father's Day...

Dear Bethie and Andrew,

I've thought of a hundred different posts that I could write just for you. Just to you. I know it will likely be years until you see this post, but I still can't help not to begin to imagine the feelings you might be having on this day. This day that meant so much to your dad. In all the years I knew him, he missed spending only two Father's Days with you. One he was working in the northern tip of Washington, too far from you. The other one you were still quite young and he left the decision up to the two of you as to whether or not he should fly in from Idaho for Father's Day or for another event the following weekend. The following weekend was picked. He'd never tell you, and I am hesitant to, but he sulked all weekend long...

Such a stark difference was the man who came back home after visiting with you last year... a happy man who had spent time with the two most cherished angels in his life...


Even though the original plans the three of you had didn't work out and he found himself scurrying to find things to keep the two of you entertained and to make sure you got to enjoy the day as much as he did. Truth of the matter is, it didn't matter what he did as long as he was with the two of you. He loved you both so very much.

His love for you was one of his strongest attributes.

Don't get me wrong, he had many others, but they all paled in comparison to his love for you. Even when he was far away from you he would worry about your days. He would worry about your school work. About your competitive team practices. About whether or not you were getting your reading done... Andrew ;)

He talked about his dreams and his hopes for your futures. He shared some of the late night conversations the three of you had started to enjoy. He looked forward to every chance he got to spend with you.

For you, Andrew, he wanted you to grow up to be a gentleman, a leader, your sister's friend, a good husband, and a father. To finish school. To work hard. To enjoy what you do. To really live your life and not watch it pass by. To be respectable. To be respected. To be happy with your choices. He'd already told you that sometimes love hurts, but that love doesn't mean having to take a quiche in the face. I think he'd want you to know that sometimes your first love isn't always the love you're meant to be with. You can't make someone love you back. There comes a time when you need to be loved for who you are. Always stand up for yourself. Never let someone bully you... even if that someone is the one you're with. Life is a series of give and take... you should give into your friendships and relationships more than you take from them. Always be true to yourself... the rest will fall into place... something you were already learning... and he was so very proud of his young man.

For you, Beth, he wanted the same things and he wanted you to grow up to be a woman of integrity, your brother's friend, a good wife, and a mother. To know that you were loved as much as you loved. To continue to be loved as much as you love. To not settle. To know you can do whatever you put your heart to. Look at how far you came with the swimming in such a short time... he was so very proud of his little girl.

For the both of you he would have wanted you to know that being human means we make mistakes. Try to never have a regret about those mistakes. Your father had few regrets in his life. Embrace your mistakes. Learn from them. You might even end up repeating a couple of them. Some mistakes are good. Trust your instincts. If it doesn't feel right; don't do it. He would want you to be grateful for the moment. To find happiness... with yourself. To find love. Love of life. Love of love. Love of the outdoors. Love of books and learning. To find your passion. To lead a truly passionate life. To enjoy good food and better company. To take on every endeavor like it is your last.

And from me, from me I'd like you know that he loved you more than I can put into words tonight. That his world revolved around your happiness. As cliche as it sounds, the sun and the moon really did rise and set with the two you. That if he went even just one day without the sounds of your voice and laughter it was more than he could bare. You two were his everything. His reason for living.

Much love,
Tara "Ann"

P.S. “Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships, and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” Unknown.

I know it's easier said than done... but don't surrender... keep up the fight... you two will be very strong... stick together... there's strength in numbers.