For not seeing it coming. I live with the guilt every day. Day in. Day out. If I had only known. Listened to the flags and bells ringing wildly in my head instead of shushing them. Something was terribly amiss that week. I should've seen it. I should've sensed it more. I got tunnel visioned thinking it was one thing when really it was a completely different thing. I focused inward when I should've focused outward and stepped aside to see the entire picture and all the characters.
I know it will take a long time to get past this. I'm working on it. I try. I get it. It's called survivor's guilt. It goes hand in hand with the PTSD. I do what I can do. I have a great support system.
And I get messages like this from my biggest cheerleader of all at moments I need them the most. At moments when I turn control back over to him, Jim still never fails me. I know he still loves me despite my inadequacies.
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