Memory - Andrew Lloyd Weber
"All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days ...
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again"
I thought of these lyrics as the days passed without Jim this week. It's amazing how many memories in how many places I have of the things he and I did. My friends took me to "Mama Mia" this week. They meant well. It was hard leaving the house. But I needed to. And I probably would've been fine, except for the fact that the movie was showing in the exact same theater where Waddles and I had our very first date and saw "Finding Forester".
I didn't drive so I had to hold it together (I managed for about the first hour... then my friends, patient as they are, let me sit in the corner and have a good cry in the dark... thanks guys.). It was all just too surreal. Sitting there without him (we've seen countless movies since... he's my movie buddy... who else could I make sit through "The Night Listener"... although I couldn't talk him into "The Other Boleyn Girl"... but that was okay... I knew that there are just some movies that he is too manly for).
I couldn't help but think back to the first movie. I can still remember all the details... even down to what the two of us were wearing and the type of rental car he had. I can still feel his hand on my knee... making those gentle circles... I remember the excitement on the ride home and how being in his presence was like nothing I'd ever felt before.
He was holding my hand when he took it from the console and kissed the back of it. I knew then I'd found what I had been looking for.
"All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days ...
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again"
I thought of these lyrics as the days passed without Jim this week. It's amazing how many memories in how many places I have of the things he and I did. My friends took me to "Mama Mia" this week. They meant well. It was hard leaving the house. But I needed to. And I probably would've been fine, except for the fact that the movie was showing in the exact same theater where Waddles and I had our very first date and saw "Finding Forester".
I didn't drive so I had to hold it together (I managed for about the first hour... then my friends, patient as they are, let me sit in the corner and have a good cry in the dark... thanks guys.). It was all just too surreal. Sitting there without him (we've seen countless movies since... he's my movie buddy... who else could I make sit through "The Night Listener"... although I couldn't talk him into "The Other Boleyn Girl"... but that was okay... I knew that there are just some movies that he is too manly for).
I couldn't help but think back to the first movie. I can still remember all the details... even down to what the two of us were wearing and the type of rental car he had. I can still feel his hand on my knee... making those gentle circles... I remember the excitement on the ride home and how being in his presence was like nothing I'd ever felt before.
He was holding my hand when he took it from the console and kissed the back of it. I knew then I'd found what I had been looking for.
12 comments:
I'm glad your friends were able to take you out. I pray that things will get "easier" for you. I'm sure it will never be the same, but you are brave to make the effort and work through the daily stuff. Take care, as always.
Tara,
I know it must be so very hard to write these memories, but thank you for writing them. This one about your first date made me smile. Such cute little gestures... makes me feel like I knew him a little bit. Thank you for sharing these with us.
Tara,
I am sad to hear the news of Sunny Jim. I worked for Nortel with him off and on from 1998 to 2002 (mostly Utah, Colorado, and Idaho), last saw him in 2006 in Denver as he came through town, and tried to keep caught up a couple times a year via phone. He has been in my thoughts of late, but I had not heard about the tragedy until recently from another old Nortel co-worker. I set about trying to find more info, and came across the blog in a news story.
I just wanted to thank you for your posts, video, and pix.
My thoughts and prayers to you and his kids.
Steve.
Steve... Buck???? I was looking for a way to get ahold of you. I was just asking Jim the other day if he'd heard from you lately. He figured no news was good news :)
Sunny Jim... oh... I'd almost forgotten that nickname... was it Jim? from Qwest (now) that gave that to him? I think it was... he'd just been working with him at Mineral and so Jim (my Jim) had told me the story(ies) of early Nortel days... and some of playing your wing man in Utah... :)
You'll never know how much your friendship truly meant to him. You were there for him in so many ways.
I still can't believe you took him to Shotgun Willies!!!!!! I told him he was going to have to be on supervised "Steve" visits from then on out... ;)
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers and contacting me. It means so much to me to hear from Jim's buddies.
Love,
Tara Ann
Teddy & Kelli,
Once again you two know exactly what to say :) Thank you ladies.
Love,
Tara Ann
Tara,
How can I remain anonymous; you pegged me. How'd ya figure it out?
I think I'm the only one who called him Sunny Jim, primarily cuz he was usually pretty upbeat, and I thought it sounded cool. It's been a difficult 2008, my Mom passed in January from Cancer, but we had a couple years to prepare. Still hits pretty hard. Haven't kept up with old friends as much, but was really thinking about Jim this year late June-July 4th time frame. The regret of not calling then...hurts.
Jim playing wingman...that is so funny, hadn't thought about that in quite a while, thanks for remembering. Sadly, nothing ever came of that date.
I do tend to recall in Utah on a job south of Manti, Jim was way down in the dumps. He later said if I wasn't around he didn't know what might have happened; so I have to say his friendship meant a great deal to me as well, and it's nice to hear he thought a lot of our friendship too.
Supervised "Steve" visits...LOL. Jim always knew if we were going to be hanging about at a bar somewhere, it's one of those types.
I'm thinking I met you early on. Maybe 2002, January... I'm gettin old, 38, so my memory's going. ;)
Sincerely,
Steve
Steve,
You're the only Steve Jim would make it a point to see if he was in Denver... and your presence is strong enough to spand the internet :) Sorry... I just was so comforted that it was you.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. You were on our minds in January, but Jim was so ill with pneumonia that he really couldn't hold up a conversation for very long so he didn't call.
It was Moab or Gunnison... either way, south of Manti is right and Jim credited you with saving his sanity. You and I both know why...
Oh, I don't know why I thought the other Jim because now I remember it clearly. Sorry - of course only you could come up with a great nickname like that :)
Yeah, he knew... and always claimed it wasn't his first choice and that you were the only one who could talk him in to going ;)
We did meet... and we went out to the bar with you, and Jennifer, and that other guy out for our "first" anniversary (remember I was blissfully unaware at that time... but you knew...truthfully though, after all these years there is nothing I regret or would take back)...anyway we all had steaks and prime rib and you two did a few too many shots and played a lot of billiards... and the tab was way high... and Jim had to stop you from tipping the waitress an obscene amount (we were talking about you and that on a recent trip down to Colorado Springs)...we had dinner a couple of nights that week and saw Oceans 11, played some trivia game on the PS2, and all stayed at the Mountain Inn about 20 miles south of the C.O. And it was all a blast :)
38 isn't old - Jim was only 37 and in the prime of his life - so no way does one year older make you decrepit.
Steve, Jim loved you very much. He worried about you even when you two weren't connecting (I know there was a lot of phone tag played over the years :) ). Please don't kick yourself about not calling. Jim knew, and I believe still knows, that you cared very much for him and that you were always no less than a phone call or an email away. I feel he'd be just as pleased to know that you've reached out to me during my time of sorrow. I can't thank you enough from the both of us.
Love,
Tara Ann
Tara,
Too too many memories and thoughts to put into a short message.
Jim and I became buddies during his last few years of high school as well as worked together at Peter Piper Pizza.
I remember scheming on his age by a year in order to qualify him for the position. (which was serving beer at the beer bar) A rather appropriate position for Jim.
We had such a blast working together!
Aside from listening to him sing cartoon songs at the top of his lungs as he washed the beer pitchers and pizza pans. (only to annoy the Romanian manager).
The funniest thing he would do is put game tokens in the oven, let them get good and hot, scoop them out with the huge spatula, then toss them out on the floor to watch the high schoolers pick them up like they just found gold. But only to burn their fingers a little and toss it back on the floor. (always had a shocking look on their faces like it electricuted them). Sounds very cruel, and was. But he thought that was so funny to watch.
We also were raquetball partners for a few years. Playing nearly every night with a few friends.
Just a few months ago I was thinking back on some good times and realized we were some what geeks and didnt know it.
We thought every body played raquetball on Fri and Sat. nights.
Had no idea we were of the age to be partying!!
We had our own fun. He spent countless hours running errands with me and sometimes shopping just to hang out.
Thank God we were such pals. I seldom had to ride in the back of his mustard yellow truck as so many others did.
When I first learned of Jim missing, then learned they found him. I first said a little prayer for Larry as he loved and was so proud of his "Jimmy".
Not sure it is appropriate to say this but I became pissed at Jim thinking "Hope it was worth hanging in there" I knew the type of life he had or part of and always wished he would get out there and find some sort of happiness that he every bit deserved.
Well he found better!!!
Thank god for you and how great it was that you two had such a true true love.
Thank you for hanging in there and giving him and your self that.
It could not have always been easy.
However, it seems like unconditional love and a happy love.
Stay tough as I know Jim is wrapping his lanky arms around you.
My email is trasco4@msn.com.
928 778-5500
Thank you so much for sharing the life that the two of you had.
Tracy
Tracy,
Thank you for the wonderful stories of Jim. He had told me many stories of Peter Piper Pizza... but never about singing the cartoon songs... he only sang for his daughter and when his buddies could get him drunk enough to do karaoke :) But when he did sing he sang loud and proud and the fact that he had somebody to annoy I'm sure just made him that much louder :) Jim loved giving a good ribbing... and the sillier it made you look the better... those poor high school kids :)
We had plans to play at the racquetball club this week because there was one in the town next to the hotel we had made reservations at. He was very excited about the chance to skunk me at it. His eyes lit up when he told me the stories of how much he used to play and how much fun he had had. He hadn't played in a while, but it was one of his goals to start playing more often again.
Jim still loved going to the grocery store. If he was planning on being home for the weekend and I went without him he'd act hurt. I always figured I was saving time that the two of could do something else with, but he got a special joy out of walking around the aisle. Now I think I can understand why - thank you :)
Thank you also for your comments about our love. It is a special love that I will cherish and hold dearly forever. I am glad that Jim's friends can see that for a few brief moments he had some true happiness.
Love,
Tara Ann
my name is Mark Tomlinson
I work for the Nucla Naturita Telephone co in Nucla colo and had the distinct pleasure of knowing jim for quite awhile...took him and Butch Elk hunting a couple of years ago and watched butch and jim try to shoot elk with a hangover...what a hoot..what a guy he will be sorely missed
Mark
Mark,
I'd love to hear your version of that trip ;) Having heard the other two parties stories... they weren't hungover... they were still drunk! They'd barely shut down the bar 2 hours before they left the hotel again... and Jim was so trashed he wet the bed... I can only imagine what watching those two in action that day could have been like!
I agree... he is sorely missed... every day :)
Thanks again,
Tara Ann
Hi Tara - you know that I loved Jim very much and this has hit me really hard. I really need your support right now...Why are you turning your shoulder at me? I need to hear all the stories you have of Jim so I can learn more about him being that I lived so far away from him. I thought we could be like sisters. Please give me a chance. Thanks, Pam D.
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