21 Weeks

Hi Sexy,

Today marks 21 weeks. Nothing feels natural right now. It's December 4th and our yard looks like this (I took these on my quick lunch break this afternoon):



Since grace is only the meaning of my middle name and not my motto (as you know better than any one else out there) I can honestly say that I'm a little glad that there is no snow yet this year. No patches of ice for me to slip on... no hoards of tourist to battle on the roads... off season has lasted a bit longer than previous years and you don't hear me complaining one bit. Of course, it's just your luck... you leave this earth and there are no historic blizzards like the one that kept you stranded in some small Mid-West town for an extra week... or sitting in Pine Bluffs, Wyoming waiting for I-80 to open for days on end... (that was a miserable month!).

I'm a bit exhausted tonight... there's a shocker. I haven't gotten much sleep in months and this week I haven't slept at all. Part of it is the extra stress of this current situation. Part of it is not being able to shut down... my mind is racing a million miles a minute. I'm behind. I'm trying to get caught up in all areas... housework... the office... life. The rampant rogue virus attacks on the office computers this week are not helping the situation. A gal there asked me how I knew as much as I did about the DOS program I was forced to diddle in (never fun)... and I gave full credit to you :) You taught me so much about being able to find my way around machines and equipment... I'm probably a little bit too fearless about them now... and it was also you who taught me to not walk away from a problem until it was solved and fixed completely... which brings me back to not sleeping and not shutting down... Thanks babe :*

I am constantly surprised by the astonishing generosity of strangers. This week was no different. I came into contact with someone just reaching out to let me know they were thinking of us.

But I also know that for every kind stranger there are those who think they know me... you... us... and lurk to find out about our life... still. That's fine... the lurkers don't really bother me. They never really have. What bothers me is when they feel the need to tell others that they know what happened in my life this week. Since you know me the best you know that I don't tell everything in this forum. I never have. Why should I start now. We're comfortable with giving others an insight into our life... not every detail... my goal has always been to share with others so that perhaps my thoughts and our life would help someone else out... kind of a been there done that... and look we survived... only you did not get to survive. So now maybe it is all just pointless.

Because face it... the details are scary... like how I sit in our bed every night... alone... in the lingerie I purchased to surprise you with when you got home from that weekend... the sexy little outfit you never got to see... because you never came home.

And of all the details... that's the one that matters the most.

Love always,
Tara Ann