Wherever I Will Go

I promise at some point this month my blog will be well on its way to not being the most depressing place to visit on the web... but it's not going to be this week... sorry... January is full of dates that were important in our life. An anniversary. A serious loss. All within a few days of each other... and I've never had to spend those days alone... so I'm trying to get through it all right now alone... in addition to getting through it all right now. Which doesn't appear to be getting any easier... of course when I decide to check out of reality for the weekend and go out of town it doesn't help when I get an automatic upgrade to the exact last hotel room that Jim and I spent the weekend in when we stayed there last May over Mother's Day weekend... talk about a long night...


I was browsing through the computer late last night when I couldn't sleep... again. I was looking in the folder of pictures from our trip to Oregon. Well, my trip to Oregon. Like most of our trips they were worked into job-sites that were scheduled during the week which meant that lucky Jim got to work while I hung out with him :) Anyway, we had an afternoon to take in the sights and sites and found ourselves on the shore at Reedsport Beach. I forgot that I had taken this picture. I remember setting it up... I ran off to the side to take a picture of something else and get busy enough for Jim to wander down the beach without me. I would say it was unfortunate that when I took this picture I only had my old digital camera (with a very limited megapixel) and therefore the picture contains more grain than I prefer... and there's no way to crop in without loosing some of the resolution... but you know what... that really doesn't matter... because in the grand scheme of things... I'm lucky to have one more picture than I thought I had of such a truly amazing man.

I was driving back up to our place tonight after spending New Years with the family ( I was going to spend the rest of the weekend, but I couldn't head off the pity party feeling and decided I'd be better company to myself hanging out at home snuggled under the covers) when halfway through the Canyon I flipped the radio over to the usb that contains Jim's music and set it to random. The first song to play was Wherever You Will Go, by The Calling... by the time I pulled over to get gas at the next station I looked like a complete mess... puffy eyes... runny, red nose... but a little more hopeful that he's here by my side... even when I can't immediately feel it.