Thursday, March 12, 2009
35 Weeks
Hi Sexy,
What a week. There were moments when I didn't think I could take my next breath without collapsing from the pain of it all. There were seconds when I wondered if my strength had reached its pinnacle. Moments when I wondered just how I was going to do it all and keep my head above the water. "Celebrating" my birthday without you was so foreign and such a bizarre experience to me. I "realized" that from that first birthday we celebrated when I turned 23 that no matter what was going on or where we were at when my birthday rolled around you always made it a point to make me feel extra special on that day.
Just thinking of that first birthday makes me smile. We spent the weekend in Steamboat Springs, Colorado... it was one of the rare birthdays in my life that the sun shown all day. We spent most of the time exploring the art galleries... I picked out the most expensive piece in every single gallery... every single furniture store... every little boutique... we ate at the Charter House (I don't think we ever found a better Filet Mignon anywhere). I filled the jacuzzi tub with Mr. Bubbles... and we spent more time scooping out bubbles with the garbage cans in the room than we actually spent in the tub... your face was classic... and you NEVER let me live it down :)
Our last birthday spent together... quietly at home... a little belated... but still... quietly... just enjoying each other and life and never suspecting that it would be the last one.
I hate this. I hate it more and more every day. Just a few more months. That's what I keep telling myself. Just. A. Few. More. Months. And then what, I don't know. It's not like when the last one is behind bars I get to suddenly forget the last 8 years of my life. Even once I'm not a part of it I'll never be able to be apart from it.
Love always,
Tara Ann
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