36 Weeks

Hi Sexy,

The word of the week is preposterous.

First the mere thought of what was first proposed riled me to new passions that even you would have been surprised to see. "Quiet" me... tolerant me... found enough strength left in me to not back down.

But that wasn't enough. No. It didn't stop there. Because surprisingly it could get worse. Hard to imagine for those who don't know me as intimately as you do. I'm sure the next suggestion left you chuckling that Elmo laugh of yours. Unfortunately, I did not have the same reaction. Instead I went into yet another panic attack mode. To the point of walking that thin line of having a seizure. It was just too much. That the idea even be entertained was a ballsy move. Got to give them that. But that's all I plan on giving them.

It's enough to leave me completely emotionally raw and drained and feeling as vulnerable as I was the week you disappeared.

I miss you so much Honey. I feel like there are people out there that expect me to be willing to offer a degree of forgiveness for an inhumane act and deeds and plans that were anything but. And I think the same people forget that you would still be here breathing, holding me, loving me if it wasn't for their deeds. But you know what. I've forgiven a lot of things over the years, but this is one of the things I never have to forgive.

Love always,
Tara Ann

P.S. I just looked at the calendar and realized what day it is... it's the day that you'd looked so forward to for so many years... we were planning so much at this time last year... and this was never in our plans...