My world was turned completely upside down when you left to visit the kids and never came home...
James "Jim" Durgan ~ December 17, 1970 - July 10, 2008
I still walk into your bathroom just to open the medicine cabinet and look at your manly products (the ones you swore you didn't really need but never passed up the chance to use)... and open your closet to take in the scent of your muskiness. The "guest room" isn't really a guest room yet. It's still the Man Cave. I don't refer to the front bathroom as the guest bath either... it's still "Jim's Bathroom" and it still has the Sonic toothbrush I bought you for Father's Day resting on the counter.
I still listen to your voice...
I still leave my phone on at night and wait for your call... I miss you Waddles. I miss you so much. It still hurts. No matter how I try to fill the void, the hole, the emptiness... it's still there.
Last year I was so wrapped up in preparing for sentencing that I couldn't didn't really address the issues I needed to. I'm feeling it this year. Not like I haven't felt it every day for the last two years. But right now, this week, I'm drowning in my own sorrow and I can't seem to find my way out. You were my beacon, my strength, my lifeguard through this life, my everything. And two years later I feel like I still can't find my way without you.
Thank you for teaching me what it meant to love unconditionally, that life isn't necessarily black and white, and for being such a major part of my life for so many years. I love you, Jim.
I promise to still love you til the end...
When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." ~ Anonymous
If only it were that easy. The trying it again part. But I am. I'm trying. Sometimes it's easier than others. Most days it's not. There's still not a day that goes by that I don't think of you throughout the day.
Oh sweet Tara, I cannot believe it's been two years! Two years of you having to deal with this every day. I know you're one tough cookie, but remember you're in my heart always and if you ever need anything at all, I'll be there!!
You just need to trust that you're a very strong willed person because with or without Jim you still are. Give yourself more credit to allow yourself to move past the situation, get the self doubt out of your mind that's holding you back at the moment, and have an enjoyable life like I had to do when I first met you.
Thanks everyone for your continued support and love - I have the greatest friends any gal could ask for :)
I'm going to add Jana's comment here too - thanks Jana for emailing it to me :)
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Tara, I just listened to the messages Jim left for you. All of them. :) What a treasure. I am so glad you can hear his voice. I could feel in his voice the love and concern he has for you. Thank you for sharing such personal, precious memories. I'm thinking of you and praying for you. Love, Jana
Loved hearing the commitment in his voice when he said "I miss you honey, I REALLY DO! And I'm not just saying that..." - he sounds like such a special guy and no doubt you loved each other so very much, and still do.
4 comments:
Oh sweet Tara, I cannot believe it's been two years! Two years of you having to deal with this every day. I know you're one tough cookie, but remember you're in my heart always and if you ever need anything at all, I'll be there!!
You just need to trust that you're a very strong willed person because with or without Jim you still are. Give yourself more credit to allow yourself to move past the situation, get the self doubt out of your mind that's holding you back at the moment, and have an enjoyable life like I had to do when I first met you.
Thanks everyone for your continued support and love - I have the greatest friends any gal could ask for :)
I'm going to add Jana's comment here too - thanks Jana for emailing it to me :)
*********************
Tara, I just listened to the messages Jim left for you. All of them. :) What a treasure. I am so glad you can hear his voice. I could feel in his voice the love and concern he has for you. Thank you for sharing such personal, precious memories. I'm thinking of you and praying for you. Love, Jana
Loved hearing the commitment in his voice when he said "I miss you honey, I REALLY DO! And I'm not just saying that..." - he sounds like such a special guy and no doubt you loved each other so very much, and still do.
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