400th Post

I broke down while driving home to our condo tonight... Christmas music is supposed to be happy... but this song... well, this song just touched me on so many levels that I couldn't sto the tears.

I miss Jim so very much. People have expressed that I should be able to start to find some closure. That Jim wouldn't want me to be sad. That I should be remembering all the happy memories we have shared... and I agree... Jim doesn't want me to be sad... but what the rest of the world doesn't understand is that the hardest part is letting go of what we were supposed to have... of the life we were building together.

See, the saddest part for me is not going over all the merry times we had... all 400 posts of them... because in one way or another he has known about every moment in every post... well over 2,000 pages of print... 115 posts mentioning Jim... I love the warmth I get from remembering how he made me feel... how he made me laugh... how he made me feel like the woman I always knew I could become... the saddest part for me is realizing that we will never be able to complete our own family... that he can't be here for me in the next month... that I've lost my best friend and lover... and the man that I looked forward to spending the rest of my life with.

When I heard this song all I could think of was Jim... thanks again Honey for sharing the best gift a woman could ever ask for.



I love you... your birthday wasn't the same without your laughter...