27 Weeks...

Hey Sexy,

Another long seven days without you have passed... and naturally there hasn't been a dull moment in those seven days. Apparently the enatic inferior relatives aren't able to keep the act up and their true colors are finally showing... you know, the colors you and I have seen for years. It's hard to sit back in the wings and watch. Unfortunately, there isn't anything I can do except watch... and hope... hope that one day I'll be able to do something. It's hard to do that though when I feel like there is so much more that is expected of me. Not by you, by my own pressures. You know me the best... I try to save the world one lost soul at a time... but what good is it if I can't save the tiniest souls with the most potential?

I found some buttons that you would have enjoyed sharing with me.

First there were the ones above. So pointedly true it's scary. You truly are everything I never knew I wanted or even needed... and yet... 8 years later and you still make me feel like a completed woman... not an hour has gone by that I don't think of you. That I don't think of us. That I don't think of the dreams and goals we were beginning to go forward with. This was to be OUR month. Our BIG month. The month that our Disney fairytale finally came together in a perfect happy ending... when you my one and only true love and prince were to rescue me and together we'd ride off into the sunset for all eternity...

And yet...
Somehow it turned into a classic Grimm's fairytale instead. If there is a lesson to be learned I'm completely missing it. Of course, a lesson is found in a fable and not a fairytale... perhaps, that is the reason I haven't figured out what I am supposed to learn from all of this. They say that which doesn't kill you will only make you stronger... I just wish it'd kill me instead... because without you... without you it's not worth going through. Internet, please do not read too much into that line. I am in no way, at this moment, suicidal. I know I have family to live for, it just isn't the same without Jim by my side and I have no other way of expressing these feelings at the moment.

Add insult to injury... Nortel filed bankruptcy this morning... another round of layoffs are coming... the guys covering the DS10s are telling me that the work is drying up... which only leads me to believe that you would have finally been able to come off the road... to be home more... to enjoy life... to really enjoy life... we're always a day late and a dollar short... I'm just full of cliches tonight...

Since I use the blog to send my special notes to Heaven... my letter wouldn't be complete without the two buttons that I know will bring a smile and a laugh to you... because you of anyone would appreciate them and think of the little intimate moments we have managed to create into inside jokes... because if we couldn't laugh at ourselves... well... we would've never have been able to make it... but because we could laugh at ourselves... because we could communicate those things that mattered the most to us... because we shared a bond that few people will ever be lucky enough to experience... these are for you, Waddles...

And for the benefit of everyone else... read this and this to understand...
As always, there's so much more I want to say... and so much more I have already told you this week... thanks for continuing to be there for me... I look for your signs every day... some have been subtle... some have been funny... a few have been painful (really, Babe, did you have to squish my finger and ring in the door... the bruised hand is bad enough... but shattering the princess stone was down right depressing for me... especially since it was our anniversary and I couldn't have you physically by my side...)... regardless, all have been appreciated... thanks for sticking around to listen to me babble while I go about the house and my daily routines...

Love forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever,
Tara Ann